Tahirul Qadri: flying to Brazil for green revolution
14 September 2016: After a fiery protest in Pakistan before Eid, TUQ is reportedly going to Europe for Qisas of Model Town shuhada.
Venue: PAT global HQ in Lahore
Only a few hours earlier, PAT chairman Dr Tahirul Qadri has held a press conference in Lahore for his ongoing green revolution in Pakistan. He says he doesn’t need PTI or Imran Khan’s tsunami. He is a force on his own.
Dr Qadri hurls some threats to police and government officials here and there too. A summary of his press conference in this screen capture below:
News thus far as reported by the media.
Suddenly and ‘allegedly’, his aides run towards him and bring him this news which has just come from Brazil:
A flyover has collapsed onto vehicles in the Brazilian World Cup host city of Belo Horizonte, killing the female bus driver. The bridge, which was under construction, fell onto traffic on a busy highway. The south-eastern city is due to host a World Cup semi-final match next week.
On their iPad, they show Dr Qadri this image, below:
What happens then?
According to highly unreliable sources, stunned by the devastation of this ‘scale’, Dr Qadri summons everyone and makes a passionate speech.
His ‘fictional speech’ arguments and highlights are:
- The Brazilian government under female President Dilma Rousseff has failed in its obligation to safeguard the busy highways at a time when the whole world’s eyes are on Brazil and FIFA World Cup 2014.
- The balls are made in Pakistan, and hence Pakistan’s reputation as a ball-maker is also at stake.
- It’s the holy month of Ramadan and the only Muslim team of Algeria which reached the Group of 16, lost to Germany because they were fasting (although Algerian team denies that the defeat is linked to fasting).
- The duration between Quarter-finals and Final is a prime-time opportunity for spreading the PAT message to people from colours and regions of the world
- Since it’s only local media which will cover his Pakistan march, there’s a bigger opportunity to bring a green revolution in Brazil under the media spotlight of all international channels. He’ll make sure that his live coverage starts from departure from Lahore till he arrives in Rio.
- It’s closer to home: Canada and Brazil only have USA in between and that distance can be covered quickly.
- There’s Amazon Forests nearby and goes well with the green revolution theme.
- There’s a religious incentive too: the fasting hours are only 9.5 hours compared with Pakistan’s 16 hours and Canada’s 19 hours (infographic by beloved Saudi Arabian newspaper below, which omits Pakistan for some unknown reasons). The time saved can be used for planning of future revolutions everywhere in the world (Iraq’s ISIS is welcome to join if they accept Dr Qadri’s leadership because he’s a PhD and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is not!).
The only issue is that Emirates has banned him for life. He’s asking his aides what other airlines are available which can still get him a Club-class ticket. Failing that, he may request Pakistani jet owners – Jehangir Tareen of PTI or Shujaat Azeem of PMLN government, to lend him their plane for old times’ sake.
Meanwhile, Dr Qadri’s Clean Dozen, a reference to his most loyal fiadyeen, are picking his 12 bags and will use transport mentioned in Poet of the East Allama Iqbal’s verse (below) to reach Brazil. That will save some carbon footprint. The 13th Fidaee (bag warrior) will not be required as the bag carrying his socks is still in Canada.
We did not try to reach Dr Qadri for his comments because he would have denied this glorious plan.
Stay tuned for more!
Written by Wali Zahid. Filed under Satire! Published under Uncategorized. Original category and hashtag lost 🙁
See other satire pieces by Wali:
Taaq raat and 19 suspended MQM leaders
No. Australia won’t let you in if you think: Oh, it’s only 10-hour fast there
Pakistanis celebrate political Father’s Day on Twitter
MH370 apology: Technology is so overrated!
Or, if you prefer to read his serious stuff:
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