I feel like writing a ‘support’ piece for 19 Rabita Committee leaders suspended by MQM chief Altaf Hussain. But being a Karachi resident, am deciding not to! Cannot afford to anger Bhai. Newsweek just centre-spread him as the Right Man for Pakistan! Who am I then?

It’s just that these 19 ‘innocent’ leaders had been busy attending multiple Iftar parties – they will show up at one Iftar, will leave before Maghrib azan to arrive just in time at another, break the fast with dates  and Jaam-e-Shirin there and then run to another for dinner, and to another for Qehwa.

At all events, they will highlight the virtues of sadaqah, infaaq and fitrana and how Zakat purifies the momins.

Not to forget that this is a taaq raat (odd night) and there’s a possibility of finding Lailatul Qadr. Ibaadat in this night equals more than 1,000 months or 83 years, which, considering the life-before-death ages of all other founding members of MQM, is more than the average life span of Rabita Committee members.

So, they rush to their masajid or favourite workship places so they can please Allah.

They spend all night standing in ibaadat until Sehri time arrives. Being kind-hearted, they would give away their Sehri food to the poor and the needy waiting outside their places, and perhaps would just do Sehri with a glass of water.

To finish the ibaadat for the taaq raat, they will continue to remain awake until Ishraaq (20 minutes after sunrise) prayers.

And as soon as they were about to be in their lower-middle, or middle-class beds, the hell broke lose!

Altaf Bhai makes a surprise call at 11:05:30 (this is 5 minutes 30 seconds past the grace period of absence!) to check who’s at the Rabita Committee office – Nine Zero.

The ibaadat-guzar members are not found there. In fury, they are suspended and barred from attending any Iftar party. The day’s salary is also likely to be deducted (which itself is a burden on low-salaried class in this hyper-inflation month).

The suspended leaders include Kanwar Naveed, Nasreen Jalil, Haider Abbas Rizvi, Mumtaz Anwar, Dr Sagheer Ahmed, Kahaful Vohra, Tauseef Khanzada, Syed Shakir Ali, Saif Yar Khan, Adil Khan, Khalid Sultan, Nisar Punhwar, Yousuf Shahwani, Aslam Afridi, Amin-ul-Haq, Ahmed Salim Siddiqui, Abdul Rasheed Godial, Ashfaq Ahmed Mangi and Adil Siddiqui.

19 suspended

They get frantic phone calls and run to 90! Bhai doesn’t want to take calls. Apologies are only accepted through fax!

One issue is that there are more suspended members than there are faxes. And there are fewer receiving fax machines in London head offices. Unsure if London Metropolitan Police took the remaining away.

So, the Karachi’s most powerful 19 Rabita Committee members spend all day trying their apology letters to reach the London fax before Iftar.

They take turns being by the side of fax machine (in case the outgoing paper is not stuck, and to make sure the receiving fax machine has continuous paper rolls) and being at prayer mat because there is Zohr and Asr prayers which they do not want to miss.

They may take Bhai’s fury but not Allah’s wrath Who has created them. Such God-fearing men and women of Karachi!

By the time this piece was being written (or not written!), all 19 apology letters had reached the London fax, and Bhai was sending them for forensics.

Tailpiece: Just as we were going to the press (metaphorically speaking), news (below) came from London Sharif that their apologies have been accepted by Bhai.

Bhai additionally emphasised that Rabita Committee members take care of the family members of party shuhadaa (martyrs) and be courteous to the general population of Karachi, i.e., they cannot cite roza rage as a reason for misbehaving.

Now, leadership will be able to perform Ishaa prayers with khushoo. Long live, Quaid!


Written by Wali Zahid. Filed under Satire! Published under Uncategorized. Original category and hashtag lost :(

See other satire pieces by Wali:

Tahirul Qadri: Time to fly to Brazil for green revolution

No. Australia won’t let you in if you think: Oh, it’s only 10-hour fast there

MH370 apology: Technology is so overrated!

Or, if you prefer to read his serious stuff:

Do not miss our Understanding Pakistan Series

Wali on Pakistan of future

Pakistani culture through 6-D Model

Native languages in Pakistan

How future oriented are we?

How we messed up Pakistan: A series by Wali

  • Shahid Qureshi

    Despite all the differences, I like the discipline in this party.

  • Anjum

    Discipline? Or Fear?

  • Anjum

    You forgot to mention one thing.

    Muaaf Karnay Say Pehlay Bhai Nay Sub Ko 60 minutes Kay Liyay Murgha Bhee Banaya Giya Tha Jis Ko Skype Per Monitor Kiya Gaya Tha 🙂

  • rayed

    Excellent. Really enjoyed

  • sadaf

    Hahahah really amusing but may Allah guide them to right path.